it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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