So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You work out of a Hotel?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize