I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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