just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
