what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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