i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
