Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
