happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
