I think I won the penis lottery.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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