I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
