I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
