Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
