My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
