pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
