he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
