Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
