he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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