We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
