I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
