good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
