2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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