Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
