omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You can't motorboat a personality
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
