Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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