Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
