I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
