i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
