No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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