I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
