I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
