I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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