No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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