I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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