so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
