Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
