best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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