this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
