my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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