You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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