After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
