HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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