I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
third nipple confirmed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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