just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
