considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
