Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
