Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
