direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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