pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
