Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
