dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
