just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
third nipple confirmed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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