Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
