I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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